Faggotshit Of The Week: January 30th

This week I'm hating the fuck out of a fairly well-known hipster/scene band called Never Shout Never. No doubt if you've seen any teenage girls wearing neon pink and green t-shirts in the last year with unicorn and rainbow artwork (I'm not fucking kidding), then there's a good chance you've seen one of their shirts. Now of course this article is here to hate on all toilet music, but I try to keep it Metal-related so as to not wander off and blather incessantly about nothing... Oh wait... Fuck.

Anyway, here's a video for NSN just to start off your hatebridge to hatetown.

Reasons why you should care after the jump.

Abysmal Dawn - Leveling The Plane Of Existence

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CANNOT. STOP. LISTENING.

Jesus Christ this is awesome. Abysmal Dawn has solidified their significance in Tech-Death forever.

Månegarm - Vargaresa (2004)

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You like Viking Metal, I like Viking Metal... Pretty sure that Vikings would like their own metal, too. So, you should indulge. Or, you'll end up in a funny tale about a wayward, worthless human who got slaughtered.

Skål!

Aborym - Generator (2006)

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If you like the sounds of more Industrial Black Metal, you should try these guys. Their sound is equally as Sociopathic as others in their genre (i.e. The Axis of Perdition).
You know you want to download this shit. Do it. If you don't, well...

...you'll just die.

SO, GO!

Faggotshit Of The Week: January 20th

 

Ladies and Gentlecunts, I am pleased to bring you the trendy dickshit of the week. Today we have a special guest, all the way from Chump, California is Close But Not Quite. This band makes Pop-Punk Hipster Rapcore. Yes, you read that right. Listen and learn the ways of cuntbaggery.

Stab your ear pussies with spoons. It's the only way to cleanse. But before you do, check out their horrid live act after the jump. 

Anaal Nathrakh - Constellation of the Black Widow (2009)

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Kill or be killed. Listen...

The Axis of Perdition - The Ichneumon Method (And Less Welcome Techniques) (2002)

 

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This is enough to make your self-righteous, mainstream skin crawl off the bone into a massive pile of enlightened and torturous shit. The minds cancerously birthing this album hail from Great Britain and were influenced by that awesomely twisted video game, "Silent Hill." In my opinion, it should be the soundtrack. So, enjoy this audible, life-rotting, acid bath known as The Axis of Perdition.

Cerebral Incubation - Asphyxiating On Excrement

 

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With song titles such as "Gastrointestinal Rape" and "Groove-Induced Groovitoid Groovitis" it is clear to see that Cerebral Incubation wishes to rape you with groove, and goddamn they're good at it. This may not be thinking man's Metal, but it sure is the killing man's Metal.

Convulse - World Without God

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Old-School Finnish Death Metal. Fuck yeah. This album got re-released by Relapse last January and so I figured I'd post this on their anniversary. Download this and see what many of their modern Death Metal brethren were, and still are influenced by.

Watain - Sworn To The Dark

 

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SWORN TO THE DARK!!! SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN! TO THE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wormed - Planisphaerium

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Wormed. One of the greatest Technical Brutal Death Metal bands of all time. If you don't download this album and let the sounds therein referred to as "Music" wash over you like photons upon the magnetic refractions of long lost alien planets, then you sir are a fuckbag. This album is monumental in the world of Metal, its cosmic gorescapes exude skill to the brim and it's unyielding brutality gives you the sense of falling into an abyssal void where Cthulhu himself gnaws at your bones for a millennia. Don't miss this comrades.

Faggotshit Of The Week: January 11th

This week we have a local shitstack to make fun of. Observe the best Lenexa Kansas and the Shawnee Mission West School has to offer. They refer to themselves as "Death Metal/Hardcore" just like every other piece of shit Metalcore band on the face of the planet. Their 5th generation At The Gates ripoff riffs are beyond horrid, but not so bad that they can eclipse the pure toilet vocals, and I don't mean that in a good way. This is drek.

More faggotry and analysis after the jump.

Anal Cunt - It Just Gets Worse

 

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Because fuck you. 

Murder Construct - Self-Titled EP

 

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A taste of grind spewed from the combined testicles of a supergroup consisting of members from Cattle Decapitation, Phobia, Exhumed, Intronaut, and Bad Acid Trip. This shit fucking rules. I'll be downloading the fuck out of their full-length when they get around to releasing it.

Faggotshit Of The Week: January 4th

This week I'll be starting a new post series. This series will highlight how fucking lame music really is. Of course you all know this, we didn't just start with Metal, we came from different and usually shittier musical backgrounds. However, from time to time we all need a reminder of how lucky we are to have Metal. Without it, I may have killed myself and most of my neighborhoods pets by now.

For our inaugural post I will start with a classic shitstain, and holy fuck this song is still a doozy of faggotshit no matter how many times I watch it.

Jesus H. Fucking Christ. AIDS flows forth from this open wound of a video. Fuck this shit in its ear. Better luck next week... But probably not.

Sworn - Bastards and Conquerors

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Wonderfully adorning and melancholy... such a typical word to describe it. They go out of their way, like most of the black metal kind, to touch upon their Ancient Pagan ancestry. Educate yourself.

Abysmal Torment - Omnicide

 

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One of my favorite Brutal Tech Death bands of all time. These guys slay like NONE other. They will fuck your shit up without batting an eyelash. Their brand of brutality is tinged with mechanical tyranny and drenched in genetically engineered virulent blood. This Maltan, yeah that's right, MALTAN band is on a whole different fucking level of rape. Download this if you want your tighty-whities to explode like Hiroshima.

Dead To Fall - Are You Serious?

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This post consists of a dead band and an oft derided album that I thought was the best in their catalog. Dead To Fall were a band that played Melodic Death Metal during the heyday of Metalcore, and because of this misfortune, they were often lumped into that shitty category. However, in my opinion, their sound on this album was much more progressive and furious than anything their more popular "-core" peers were putting out at the time. This album got me into heavier stuff and still remains relevant and kickass to me today. Choose for yourself.

Aborted - Engineering The Dead

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Outstanding Modern Death Metal that often gets overshadowed by other bands. I've always loved these guys, they are win. Check out this classic album.

Decapitated - Nihility

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Classic. Genre-Defining. Highly Influential. Godly. Techgasm. Don't skimp on this you sons-of-bitches. Don't you fucking dare.

Pig Destroyer - Terrifyer

 

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One of the most seminal bands in all of modern Grindcore. One of my favorites and a must listen for any fan or budding music listener. Don't pass this shit up, it's phenomenal and smart Grind. No bitches.  

Portal - Swarth

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Bitches don't know about Portal. Bitches don't like Portal. Bitches don't want to understand Portal. As previously stated, those people are bitches. Download and get lost in the obsidian maelstrom that is PORTAL.

Nails - Unsilent Death

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14 minutes of sick as fuck modern grind. This is more of the outstanding Modern Grind that's been coming out lately. It packs not-so-subtle old school influence into a tight, brutal package that drives NAILS into your fucking face. Download this or you suck anus.

Gorgoroth - Ad Majorem Sathanas Gloriam

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A well known band in their prime when they were putting out solid albums. One of my favorite "Traditional" Black Metal records. A+++ Great seller, would buy from again.

Darkthrone - Dark Thrones & Black Flags

 

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HIKING METAL PUNKS!!!!! Darkthrone are gods of Black Metal and have a great sense of humor about their place in the Metal world to boot. Their music is monumental and this album is an outstanding mix of Hardcore Punk and screeching Black Metal, a welcome mix for the increasingly stale Black Metal sound.  This is a must have in their outstanding discography and I hope they don't stop making records anytime soon. 

Insect Warfare - World Extermination

 

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Ladies and Gentleman, please turn your attention to my FAVORITE Grindcore band OF ALL TIME. This record is absolutely phenomenal. It will make genocide upon your ears and not stop until every one of your brain cells has been extinguished beneath its unfailing assault. THIS SHIT WILL FUCK YOU UP. Download or die you fucking fucks.

Magrudergrind - Self-Titled

 

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Fuck artsy-fartsy fashion grindcore. This here is THE Magrudergrind. Some of the best grind in the world right now is right there in that fancy download link. If you want to finally hear what everyone's bitching and moaning about, here's your chance.

Wormrot - Abuse

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Ungodly grind from motherfucking Singapore. This shit is Grade-A+++ Grind that is MANDATORY. Don't skimp on this heaping helping of FUCK YOUR FACE Metal.

The Numbers Of The Beast: Top 10 Albums of 2010

The time has come. The end of the year is upon us and Metal has fought hard for my attention in the bowels of my Zune. Now I will crown the warriors of Metal as kings above the pawns.

First off we will award the honorable mentions:

 

 

Sadly, as epic as these albums are, they were barely beat out by the competition. Therefore they must stay in the front room and play with crayons with the rest of the kids.

Disagree with me? Bitch in the comments. The winners after the jump.

Arizmenda - Within the Vaccuum of Infinity

Yes. This is what it sounds like in Hell. Bet you didn't know that, huh?
Indulge.


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